You Gotta Believe it to See it

Of new addictions and obsessions

2007-12-09T00:24:00.000-08:00

I have been through dictionary definitions of both of these words, 'addiction' and 'obsession'. Quite like 'accents' and 'attitudes', one always associates addicitions and obsessions with something other people have. Then it hit me... I was hooked...addicted and maybe even obsessed... but what am I talking about? I'm no junkie... I don't smoke or drink, well at least I haven't in a very very long time...

I came to realise my addicition in a very strange place - my office. The day my company's IT department shut down Facebook... I was actually disturbed for a while. How was I going to get through a whole days' work... each day, everyday without facebook? Actually working the whole day seemed like a slightly far fetched idea so I tried looking for other stuff on the big bad web... but nothing came quite as close...

That called for some introspection... well actually, a combination of slow markets, no work and another 8 hours before exit time on a Monday called for the introspection. I decided to explore my own addictions...wait wait, I promise - no dirty details...

We've already established that facebook is one of them. I tried to think of other stuff that I just had to have and I was amazed with what I found out...

In no particular order...

1. Talking to Praveena (I can be forgiven for this one)
2. Heroes - I was actually upset when they discontinued season 2 abruptly because of the writer's strike - DAMN!)
3. Prison Break - ditto!
4. Movies, Movies and more Movies (I know the difference between being a movie buff and an addict, I belong to the latter category on this one as well)
5. Lemon Tea (Iced or Warm)

I could go on about the others, but I'll stop at this for now...

De-Linked

2007-10-21T04:31:00.000-07:00

Wow... I'm trying to remember when I last visited my own blog. That, by the way, still doesn't mean I haven't been reading my friends' blogs and other interesting ones that I stumble upon from time to time.

The reason I felt the pressing need to write something today is Linkin Park. I know you're thinking - Linkin Park? No, I'm not a groupie, nor am I a huge fan but I am known to have liked their music in younger times. Their name came up in a random conversation I was having with my friends and I was...well...quite surprised to hear that they were still around (seriously... how many bands last these days?) What is more - they are actually performing here in Singapore, sometime in November.

The answer is NO... I am not going for it but I must confess, a part of me was curious about what their music sounded like now. Were they still singing those eerie, I am alone and I want to kill the world and die myself soon after kinda songs? The answer came sooner than expected - Yesterday! I was at a mall with another friend and someone handed me a (free) copy of their newest album - Minutes to Midnight. Now, compared to their previous albums Hybrid Theory & Meteora, the name, to beging with, sounded more... domesticated. I decided to lend my ears anyway and I must say - MIXED FEELINGS!

Their music sure has matured, but it doesn't suit them. That would be one sentence to describe the new album. Some music doesn't suit some bands... PERIOD! Sometime earlier, they had come up with a song called My December, which was less noisy and actually made sense to everyday people who weren't subscribing to the prophecy about the world coming to an end. I don't think it ever made the charts - the song per se was excellent, but it just didn't go with the Linkin Park persona. Limp Bizkit tried a cover version of Behind Blue Eyes and despite Halle Berry starring in that video - how many people know about that? My guess is - Not many! What is my point? - Well, nothing really but I am now beginning to believe in formulas for success and sometimes, its better not to mess with what worked. Hat's off to them for trying!

In my opinion, the only song in the album that is still in the spirit of being Linkin Park, is What I've Done. It's yelly and screamy and is a fitting image of their old self.

Don't take my word for it - If you ever really liked their songs - Crawling, In the End and a few others, try this album out for yourself - ONLY IF YOU ARE GETTING IT FOR FREE!

Has it been that long?

2007-07-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

For starters (not in the restaurant context), I am sorry for having left this blogspot by itself for what...3 months? But seriously, a lot has happened in the last three months and I think I need 3 months to write about those 3 months and then I will just be running a backlog of 3 months. Time to quit rambling... Aye?

Quick Recap!

First Week of May: Arjun Thodge became Arjun Thodge, MBA when the great Asian Institute of Management decided to confer upon me the most saught after (snigger) degree.

Second Week of May: I find myself in India's capital city... Dilli. Went back after so long, I actually forgot what it looked like. Was joined by the future 'better half' a day later and then we proceeded to Kashmir... yes Kashmir... heaven on earth. It really is... well somewhere down the middle it got into a hellish situation. I think that was a severe 'identity crisis' for the state but now its getting closer to being heaven. Jannat-e-Kashmir. Temperature Check 10-21 deg C

The next few weeks: Stayed in Kashmir, visted various places, tried firing guns, walked, drove, walked and drove a bit more, ate a lot, slept a little more and got a whole lot fatter. Temperature Check 6-18 deg C

First week of June: Left Kashmir :( for Nagpur (the orange city, also my hometown) via Delhi to catch up with family and visit all relatives. On the way out of Kashmir, stayed a night at Srinagar in a 5 star hill top resort overlooking the extremely beautiful Dal Lake. Went to my gaaon (village), a few other places. Drove on a stormy, rainy night on a ill lit highway. That was quite an experience. Snacked on local delicacies on the way... all in all a few days well spent. Temperature Check: 44-47deg C

Second week of June: Did I mention the 'engagement' was approaching by this time and things were getting a little frenzied. No, I wasn't having second thoughts and nor was Praveena. It was the shopping, the heat and the confusion... what a mix! Clothes, shoes, ring, gifts... woah... all a little overwhelming for yours truly. All this was happening in Pune, which at 28-35 deg C was still very very pleasant. Got ready to leave Pune, via Mumbai. Stayed a night in India's financial capital and watched the most senseless movie of the year - Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, the sound track is tacky but still quite endearing...umm... no... just alright!

Third week of June: I find myself in Chennai... the land of...umm... my fiance of course. You thought I was going to say culture and heritage? I'll leave that open. Praveena and I got engaged on the 18th of June at Tag Centre. I quite liked the venue and it went off really well. I should probably add a link to the pictures of the engagement here, shouldn't I?

http://nus.facebook.com/album.php?aid=30529&l=37e0c&id=648115200

I spent the next few days with Praveena in Chennai and we visited the places we frequented in the yesteryears... *sigh*

Last week of June: I left Chennai with a rather heavy heart and a sad but extremely lovely fiance (not girlfriend).

4th/5th of July: I left New Delhi for Singapore to start my post MBA career (fingers crossed). Excited yet a little nervous about how it would all turn out... I'll tell you as it progresses....

Ciaos!

Re-TALE

2007-04-07T07:01:00.000-07:00

So after hours and hours of endless ppting (Power Point) I decided that I needed a break. What does one do on a rainy Saturday evening in Singapore? Wait, let me rephrase that - What does a bored and overworked Indian on a budget do on a rainy Saturday evening in Singapore? Hits the town (read as Little India). Yes... I decided to treat myself to the familiar environs of the overcrowded Mustafa Stores, which is the only mall in the otherwise spacious Singapore, where you are constantly 'in-touch' (figure that out for yourself). It actually isn't EEEW... at least not for many of the young Bhartiyas... more so the ones from Mumbai. Right guys? It's just a little bugging coz the crowd just cannot get enough of the Buy 2 cans of Rosogullas for $7 - that's a steal even by Indian standards.

I was standing by one of the hundred odd refrigerators in the grocery section debating with myself on whether I should spend 4 bucks buying a nice (fattening) jar of Shrikhand (if you must know, I didn't buy it) when a fellow-countryman looked over my shoulder and said "excuse me", loud enough to scare the both of us (me and my debating partner) "are you from Daali?" Courteously, I replied "No" and just when I should have stopped, I decided to amuse him by telling him I was from Nagpur. Just the thing you don't want to do while tryin to avoid a conversation, especially when there is Shrikhand waiting to be picked up and a Kaaraikudi Mutton Set Meal planned in your head.

"Oh-O Naaaagpoooor, my wife is from that area" and there she was, eyeing another jar of Shrikhand (grrr) and how could madam stay out of the conversation I was trying so furiously to get out of? "Yeah, I am from a place verrrry close to Nagpur, you've heard of Bhilai?". I swear to god, we Indians have a very fuzzy idea about distances. The fastest train in India would take 5 hours to travel from Nagpur to Bhilai... even relatively speaking that is by no means, near. 5 hours by train from Singapore is KL Central (Capital of ANOTHER COUNTRY). Then started the "what do your parents do?" "how long have you been here?" The questions didn't stop and I could see the aromatic vapours disappearing from the plate of my Mutton Set Meal. I knew, I had to ESCAPE. It was now or never!

Then came the next question in the sequence, "so what do you do bhai?" "Nothing", I said... they blinked...I blinked...I had to come up with some kind of follow through real quick. Then with a rap on my shoulder he said "Kuch to kaam karte hoge" (you must be doing something)... I said "Nahi, main kuch bhee nahee karta" (nope! nothing at all)... More blinking on both ends... quick quick...I said to myself, think of something fast and then came the master stroke - before he could open his mouth to utter another word, "I am a house-husband" I said with a very serious face, which was about to erupt in laughter (is there even such a word?). I must say at this point, with the engagement and all coming up, I'm already feeling a little...ummm... how do you say that?-'Domesticated'.

Right... coming back to Mr. blank face and Mrs. I-wish-I-had-one-of-those. They were actually buying it and what probably made the story credible was that I was terribly dressed, wearing floaters and carrying a basket full of groceries. Seriously, can you get better alibies? Then for another 5-10 very very awkward seconds some staring ensued, during which time I was fighting my laughter. They fell for it-hook, line and sinker... and unbelievable... they just said, ok bbye and walked away...

While, I am glad that the really unwanted conversation, which would have only led to a business card exchange and my introduction to their "pram-throned" toddler, ended there - I can't help but be amazed at why it is not acceptable for men to be stay-at-home husbands? Why should anyone be so shocked? By all means, I WANT to be one someday (notice, no maybe) - I am saying this with conviction. I'm sure I'll bum up the laundry and turn in an inedible meal... but come on... house-husbands - that concept can and probably should exist. After all, it is time for us to declare that men are equal to women! Hear Hear!

Right then, you think about that... I'm just gonna go over to the bog... the mutton set meal is short of space in my tummy!

The New Conformism

2007-03-27T03:32:00.000-07:00

Conformist - That is a word many of those who know me use, to describe me. Some might even disagree! I have never denied that and was always comfortable with that aspect of myself. How am I a conformist? Well, to put it flatly - I confirm.

I have realised this more in the last 2-3 years and even more so after I started my long and arduous MBA journey (which is 2 weeks away from its much awaited end). My reports always followed formats. If exhibits were required in my case analyses, I ensured I had one at least - sometimes even when I felt that there really was no need. If the prescribed word count was 1200, I had 1199 or 1201 but never way off the mark. I was always confirming, always meeting the standard someone else prescribed. One might argue that these were academic requirements and not fulfilling them would be, well, deviating from the norm. See? Do you see the conformist in me yet?

Don't be fooled - I am not disappointed nor am I unhappy with myself. I am at peace with my conformist self, more so today than ever. Let me tell you why.

I remember one occasion recently when I wore a dark blue blazer, grey trousers, plain white shirt and a striped tie. It was one of your 'formal attire' events and this was my definition of formal attire. A 'friend' of mine met me prior to this event, gave me a dekko and said - "Dude, that is so conformist" and then went on to highlight past events when he thought my approach was such. I listened patiently, agreeing with everything he had to say, coz well he wasn't lying. I couldn't deny anything he said but yet, in my mind it all made sense.

I used to work with a bank before I took up my MBA and am returning to the same industry after I finish it. It is a 'safe' career bet. A lot of people have made it their business to tell me that it is so 'typically' me to do something I am comfortable with, something which is in my 'comfort zone'. Again, as always, I maintain my silence and not offer any arguments to the contrary. It is true - How do you argue with that?

I can offer no explanations and I guess there are truly none for why I am like this. On a deeper level there really is no need for any. Although, I can tell you what happened at the formal event, I mentioned earlier - I walked in and I was the only guy wearing the 'typically me' combination but I could count at least three other people wearing very identical and rather contemporary styles that are popular these days... the fourth was my wise friend. He is among the other 'non-conformists' I know, who have been through various courses, various jobs in various industries with many different companies and still struggling to find an area of expertise, while at least I know what I am talking about.

Everywhere around me - It is cool to be apathetic, everyone I meet either doesn't care or worse doesn't know but somehow it is a 'new age' crime to have a political opinion. I see people walk around in their converse shoes (keds and what not) but I am the only one wearing my Nike Joggers on the whole street. Suddenly, I feel threatened - Coz I am not the conformist anymore! I am the one who is 'different', I am the one who is 'standing out'.

Rivermaya in Singapore

2007-03-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

"Mabuhay! - Rivermaya... playing in Singapore", as these words made it to my ears this morning on my rather boring train commute (its safe to say, that is the only time of the day I think) I couldn't help but feel that rush a Pinoy rock fan feels. Well, again it would be an exaggeration to say that I am a Pinoy rock fan but I enjoy their music. Lets put it this way - I have liked whatever I have come accross, which is a lot! Thanks to my friend Abhishek back at AIM and the few trips we've made to Saguijo, 6-Underground and other such places in Manila!

I first came across music by Rivermaya, when I borrowed my boss' (also Filipino(a)) Ipod for some entertainment and just loved the song Liwanag Sa Dilim by the group (I think it means as light as the dark - unconfirmed). This made me look out for some more of their songs and I loved them too.

Now is my chance to catch them live in Singapore as they perform here on the 8th of April. To know more about this group, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rivermaya

Tickets are available at http://ticketcharge.com.sg

See you there...!!

Radio Ga-Ga!

2007-03-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

Well, on my long journeys these past few mornings from NUS to Orchard Road... I tune into the radio to check out the music people are listening to these days. I feel like I've been Cast Away (a la Tom Hanks) for the past 2 years, thanks to AIM. Needless to say, all these songs are new to me and quite frankly, just a bunch of CR*P. Sorry... don't wanna go back to being a cynic but really- how is Sexyback by Justin whatever-lake a good song? Then there is this song, which is really popular, in which a guy is telling his mother (in a hip hop-rap sorta way) that he has found a new girlfriend and the background score sounds like a doorbell.

Fear not oh ye lovers of good music, for there is hope. Now this might not be exactly a new song but I heard it for the first time this morning and it elevated my mood from 'why the ___ do I have to wake up this early?' to 'wow! what a nice morning' (ok ok, clearly i'm exaggerating but it was close). Its called - Into the Ocean by Blue October (anyone heard of them - ever?) Here are the lyrics and the embedded video thanks to Youtube!

Into The Ocean lyrics

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had doneLike jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)

Now, this song in no way reflects the state of mind I'm in. I'm neither suicidal nor contemplating jumping into the ocean but you have to listen to the group, although you should probably just check out the video- very nice!

5....4....3....2....1... Here's the Video...

...and so the ramblings begin

2007-03-18T07:10:00.000-07:00

I am writing this piece sitting at my desk in my room in NUS (National University of Singapore). For those who don't know I am here on exchange for the final term of my MBA (from AIM, Manila).

I reside in an undergraduate residence on campus, which allows for a lot of interaction with the gentry of NUS, especially the movers and shakers in the field of sports, drama and music (notice how I didn't say academics) coz undergrads aren't meant to study and these guys are no exception. Staying in this 'hall' as they call it, gives me another chance to interact closely with the 19 year olds of this world (apparently 24 is not considered young anymore), listen to their views, observe their behaviours and sometimes catch a rare glimpse into their real attitudes.

Today, for instance, I observed something which made me write this very entry. I went to the pantry to fetch myself some drinking water and there stood a guy, who can best be described as a 'punk'. Aping the Japanese hairstyles that most Singaporean youth do these days, he stood there with his taft of blonde hair sticking up, thanks to the excessive usage of 'Gatsby Hair Clay'.

The thing that was worth observing (clearly not the hair) was the sinister smile he had on his face, while he was looking down at a cockroach, which had been flipped over and was unable to move. My guess was (as would be everyone else's) that he was going to stomp on that roach and squish him to death, which to me isn't particularly gruesome but something I wouldn't do willingly. It was what happened next that really shocked me - I hadn't observed that he was holding a pan with some water in it and in the next few seconds proceeded to slowly pour the boiling water on that cockroach, which obviously killed it but causing it much more pain. Both would have yielded the same results anyway.

After having successfully killed the cockroach, he walked out, still smiling and this time his lips let out, in a low tone, "May God Bless You". Somewhere in my heart, I said the same for the 'punk'...