The New Conformism

Conformist - That is a word many of those who know me use, to describe me. Some might even disagree! I have never denied that and was always comfortable with that aspect of myself. How am I a conformist? Well, to put it flatly - I confirm.

I have realised this more in the last 2-3 years and even more so after I started my long and arduous MBA journey (which is 2 weeks away from its much awaited end). My reports always followed formats. If exhibits were required in my case analyses, I ensured I had one at least - sometimes even when I felt that there really was no need. If the prescribed word count was 1200, I had 1199 or 1201 but never way off the mark. I was always confirming, always meeting the standard someone else prescribed. One might argue that these were academic requirements and not fulfilling them would be, well, deviating from the norm. See? Do you see the conformist in me yet?

Don't be fooled - I am not disappointed nor am I unhappy with myself. I am at peace with my conformist self, more so today than ever. Let me tell you why.

I remember one occasion recently when I wore a dark blue blazer, grey trousers, plain white shirt and a striped tie. It was one of your 'formal attire' events and this was my definition of formal attire. A 'friend' of mine met me prior to this event, gave me a dekko and said - "Dude, that is so conformist" and then went on to highlight past events when he thought my approach was such. I listened patiently, agreeing with everything he had to say, coz well he wasn't lying. I couldn't deny anything he said but yet, in my mind it all made sense.

I used to work with a bank before I took up my MBA and am returning to the same industry after I finish it. It is a 'safe' career bet. A lot of people have made it their business to tell me that it is so 'typically' me to do something I am comfortable with, something which is in my 'comfort zone'. Again, as always, I maintain my silence and not offer any arguments to the contrary. It is true - How do you argue with that?

I can offer no explanations and I guess there are truly none for why I am like this. On a deeper level there really is no need for any. Although, I can tell you what happened at the formal event, I mentioned earlier - I walked in and I was the only guy wearing the 'typically me' combination but I could count at least three other people wearing very identical and rather contemporary styles that are popular these days... the fourth was my wise friend. He is among the other 'non-conformists' I know, who have been through various courses, various jobs in various industries with many different companies and still struggling to find an area of expertise, while at least I know what I am talking about.

Everywhere around me - It is cool to be apathetic, everyone I meet either doesn't care or worse doesn't know but somehow it is a 'new age' crime to have a political opinion. I see people walk around in their converse shoes (keds and what not) but I am the only one wearing my Nike Joggers on the whole street. Suddenly, I feel threatened - Coz I am not the conformist anymore! I am the one who is 'different', I am the one who is 'standing out'.

Rivermaya in Singapore

"Mabuhay! - Rivermaya... playing in Singapore", as these words made it to my ears this morning on my rather boring train commute (its safe to say, that is the only time of the day I think) I couldn't help but feel that rush a Pinoy rock fan feels. Well, again it would be an exaggeration to say that I am a Pinoy rock fan but I enjoy their music. Lets put it this way - I have liked whatever I have come accross, which is a lot! Thanks to my friend Abhishek back at AIM and the few trips we've made to Saguijo, 6-Underground and other such places in Manila!

I first came across music by Rivermaya, when I borrowed my boss' (also Filipino(a)) Ipod for some entertainment and just loved the song Liwanag Sa Dilim by the group (I think it means as light as the dark - unconfirmed). This made me look out for some more of their songs and I loved them too.

Now is my chance to catch them live in Singapore as they perform here on the 8th of April. To know more about this group, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rivermaya

Tickets are available at http://ticketcharge.com.sg

See you there...!!

Radio Ga-Ga!

Well, on my long journeys these past few mornings from NUS to Orchard Road... I tune into the radio to check out the music people are listening to these days. I feel like I've been Cast Away (a la Tom Hanks) for the past 2 years, thanks to AIM. Needless to say, all these songs are new to me and quite frankly, just a bunch of CR*P. Sorry... don't wanna go back to being a cynic but really- how is Sexyback by Justin whatever-lake a good song? Then there is this song, which is really popular, in which a guy is telling his mother (in a hip hop-rap sorta way) that he has found a new girlfriend and the background score sounds like a doorbell.

Fear not oh ye lovers of good music, for there is hope. Now this might not be exactly a new song but I heard it for the first time this morning and it elevated my mood from 'why the ___ do I have to wake up this early?' to 'wow! what a nice morning' (ok ok, clearly i'm exaggerating but it was close). Its called - Into the Ocean by Blue October (anyone heard of them - ever?) Here are the lyrics and the embedded video thanks to Youtube!

Into The Ocean lyrics

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had doneLike jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)

Now, this song in no way reflects the state of mind I'm in. I'm neither suicidal nor contemplating jumping into the ocean but you have to listen to the group, although you should probably just check out the video- very nice!

5....4....3....2....1... Here's the Video...

...and so the ramblings begin

I am writing this piece sitting at my desk in my room in NUS (National University of Singapore). For those who don't know I am here on exchange for the final term of my MBA (from AIM, Manila).

I reside in an undergraduate residence on campus, which allows for a lot of interaction with the gentry of NUS, especially the movers and shakers in the field of sports, drama and music (notice how I didn't say academics) coz undergrads aren't meant to study and these guys are no exception. Staying in this 'hall' as they call it, gives me another chance to interact closely with the 19 year olds of this world (apparently 24 is not considered young anymore), listen to their views, observe their behaviours and sometimes catch a rare glimpse into their real attitudes.

Today, for instance, I observed something which made me write this very entry. I went to the pantry to fetch myself some drinking water and there stood a guy, who can best be described as a 'punk'. Aping the Japanese hairstyles that most Singaporean youth do these days, he stood there with his taft of blonde hair sticking up, thanks to the excessive usage of 'Gatsby Hair Clay'.

The thing that was worth observing (clearly not the hair) was the sinister smile he had on his face, while he was looking down at a cockroach, which had been flipped over and was unable to move. My guess was (as would be everyone else's) that he was going to stomp on that roach and squish him to death, which to me isn't particularly gruesome but something I wouldn't do willingly. It was what happened next that really shocked me - I hadn't observed that he was holding a pan with some water in it and in the next few seconds proceeded to slowly pour the boiling water on that cockroach, which obviously killed it but causing it much more pain. Both would have yielded the same results anyway.

After having successfully killed the cockroach, he walked out, still smiling and this time his lips let out, in a low tone, "May God Bless You". Somewhere in my heart, I said the same for the 'punk'...